Monstrous

So, I just read Grendel by John Gardner. I picked this book up (not entirely sure why..) from Borders in middle school, probably recommended someway or another by browsing through Barnes and Noble's website. I would always read about 4 pages and then get bored or uninterested, which pretty much sums up my whole experience with the book. I finally forced myself to read it, because I'm trying to knock books off of my "to read" shelf at home.
Basically, I have no background knowledge of anything to do with Beowulf. I never read it or saw any movies about it and the only knowledge I have of it was gathered through Wikipedia when I was about 3 chapters through this, because I figured it would bring me up to speed. I think maybe at a later time in my life, I'll read Beowulf, and perhaps I'll have a deeper appreciation and patience for postmodern novels, but that really isn't now. I'm glad I didn't read it in middle school when I bought it, the entire thing would have gone over my head. I got it, parts of it befuddled me, it wasn't easy to drift through the surreal fog of a fucked up monster.
I just wasn't interested, at all. I wanted to stop so bad, but I kept going just to get it off that dang shelf once and for all. It was well written, beautiful at times, and it really made me think. Unfortunately some parts made me think in the sense that they dragged me down with Grendel and I felt as entirely isolated and angry as he did. I too laughed at the sickness of men and the dreariness of it all. I too shuffled my feet straining to pay attention when the dragon rattled off his philosophical bullshit. I related to him far too much, and it really killed me. Mainly because I'm not entirely sure whether the reader is supposed to feel a kinship with the protagonist.
So I'll set it on my "read" shelf in hopes that one day, when my brain is in a happier state, I can reread it and understand it without the same feelings of self-loathing it tried to plant in me this time around. And hopefully move on to something more lighthearted and inspiring because that's all I need after this mess.